Cold Feet Are Normal Before Marriage – So Are Second Thoughts about Divorce

Posted by Steven D. Eversole | Jul 18, 2015 | 0 Comments

Getting married is a major life-changing decision. Most people give the issue a lot of though and hope they will have a happy marriage and a marriage that will last their entire lives. However, despite the great amount of thought and planning, second feelings (cold feet) are normal. This does not mean the decision is not correct.

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According to a recent news article from The Huffington Post, getting cold feet or second feelings before a divorce also is completely normal and doesn't mean you are about to make the wrong decision. Sometimes, these second thoughts are about getting a divorce itself, and other times there are a series of questions you may be asking yourself about various issues dealing with your marriage.

For example, you may be asking yourself whether you should still try to fix your marriage or if you can actually fix the marriage. You may be wondering if the marriage is hopeless or should you fight for it. People often think about trying to essentially get divorced without taking the formal step of getting a divorce absolute from the court. This may be one person asking themself if they should separate for a while instead of getting divorce and see how that works.

You may also be asking yourself whether you hate your spouse or whether he or she hates you. On the other hand, you may be wondering whether you still love your spouse or whether he or she still loves you. These are only a handful of the questions you may be asking yourself, and there are obviously many more questions that could be asked, but they are probably similar to these.

As our Birmingham divorce attorneys understand, there are some underlying concerns that typically lead to all of these questions and second thoughts about whether or not it is the right to decision to seek a divorce. Many marriage experts believe that hope is actually a major reason people have second thoughts about getting a divorce. Most people hope their marriage will work out, and this leads them to not give up as easily. While there is nothing wrong with having hope, sometimes a marriage really cannot be saved, and it is better once the spouse can accept this.

Fear is another basic emotion that can lead to second feelings about whether or not you should seek a divorce. Many people are comfortable with married life, even in the case of a bad marriage. Even if you are not happy day to day, there is a lot less uncertainty, and that translates into comfort. A divorce means uncertainty, and that leads to a fear of the uncertainty.

Having children and fear of how a divorce will affect the children is clearly one of the major reasons spouses have second thoughts about getting a divorce. Many people say they would rather stay in a bad marriage for the sake of the children. In reality, the children may be worse off living in an unhappy household, and, as experts say, a divorce will affect children whether they are young or whether it happens during adulthood.

Additional Resources:

Second Thoughts: Completely Expected In Divorce, July 7, 2015, Huffington Post

About the Author

Steven D. Eversole

J.D., Samford University's Cumberland School of Law, Birmingham, Alabama B.A., University of Alabama, Tuscaloosa, Alabama


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